Super Bowl Update

For the full Episode 1 Recap, Go Here.
For the full Episode 2 Recap, Go Here.
(That outfit would drive me crazy too, Brooke.)

Previously on FIFTEEN: The Most Amazing Show Ever: Matt and Ashley had the most hilarious fight ever, Billy dressed up just like Dylan and Matt laughed at both of them, Kelly spread rumors about Matt liking Brooke without Brooke's permission, Matt was sick and tired of being hassled about his DRINKING PROBLEM. Ashley believed Matt was turning to the dark side of the Booze Force. Oh and Courtney was a horrible friend to everyone. The previouslies don't mention it, but I guess it's because that never changes, and just assumed you'd know.

EPISODE 3 - THE DISLOCATED SWEDE (Yes, that's really what it's called.)

Opening Sequence. Matt Ender continues to rock my world.

Brooke's Gigantic Bedroom. Brooke is making her bed. They don't have servants to do that? Weird. Theresa is nagging Brooke about being home this afternoon at 4pm so that she can go to Crystal's birthday party. Brooke picks up on my logic that if the call is so important, why doesn't their mom just be there to TAKE THE CALL? Theresa's like "because that's not the situation the idiot writers gave us. It has to be one us here to take the call." Brooke's like "fine, I promise to forget and leave you stranded here." Theresa practically wets herself from fear of missing Crystal's birthday party. Have I mentioned to you that Theresa is wearing white overall shorts with green polka dots on them? With a green long-sleeve turtle neck? Because she is. Let me show you a picture of her shame:


Brooke walks to her bedroom door and shouts downstairs for Kelly to come up already instead of sitting on the stairs like a LOSER!! Her delivery there is kinda priceless. Theresa can't believe Brooke would talk that way about her best friend. Oh, Theresa. Get over it. Your sister's a bitch. Move on. Kelly comes in and Brooke and her frenemy hellos. They dismiss Theresa and after she leaves Kelly confirms with Brooke that whatever nefarious scheme they've cooked up to hurt Ashley is totally on.

Hillside - Main Hall. Matt is apologizing to Ashley about how he shouldn't have been rude to her and Jake at the Avalon even though he's just better than they are. Matt is wearing a cool aqua-colored button down shirt and Ashley is wearing something akin to gym clothes or sleepwear because it's 3 episodes in and she's already started not caring about herself. He brings up BEER and Ashley whispers about how nobody made it a big deal and then Matt's like "look. let's just drop it!" Dude, you brought it up. Then Matt finally notices that Ashley is upset about something. What could it be? The sucky way he just spoke to her? No... Ashley is worried about Brooke and Matt's feelings for her. Whaaaaat? says Matt. Ashley has been hearing RUMORS. Matt swears that there's nothing going on between him and Brooke. He doesn't even like her even though they used to go out together. Matt asks if Ashley trusts him and she's like "enhhhh.... MAYbe, sorta?" But somehow they both apologize for who knows what and they're okay again. Also within this conversation we learn that Matt and Ashley have been together for 5 months, and there's no WAY that's possible. Five weeks, tops. Five months is like 5 years in teen time and these two act like they barely know each other. Let's all operate under the assumption it's only been five weeks.

Brooke's Gigantic Bedroom. Kelly and Brooke's big plan is to each give Matt and Jake a fake note telling the other one they need to meet. Jake will be misdirected to the mall, Matt will be sent to the Avalon. They'll pass the notes right after school so Matt and Jake won't have a chance to talk to each other. This is how scheming was done in a pre-cell phone world. You really did go out of contact with people when you didn't see them. Notes were passed constantly! Matt will break his date with Ashley and Ashley will be pushed further to the emotional edge. (Why aren't Brooke and Kelly in school with everyone else? I have no idea.)

Hillside - Main Hall. Courtney and Ashley enter wearing ugly clothes. See for yourself:


Courtney is asking Ashley what she thinks about a poem she wrote. Ashley really likes it. Courtney wants more praise. Ashley thinks it's great. Courtney still wants more. Courtney, just die already. They go to their lockers, but I swear the one Courtney opens is the one that's usually Matt's locker. Saved By The Bell kept that shit consistent. Ashley opens hers (usually Jake's) and realizes she left her gym clothes at home and freaks out. Courtney doesn't see what the big deal is since this news has nothing to do with her. Ashley tries to explain how this is her third offense and the gym teacher is gonna murder her with push ups or something. It makes me think of the gym detention scene in Carrie which is AWESOME. Anyway, Ashley runs off in a panic and Courtney has the gall to sulk and be like "well, thanks for reading my poem..." Holy eff, Courtney.

Table in the middle of the main hallway. Matt is reading and Brooke slithers up next to him. Brooke's like "I won't bother you when you're reading" and then sits down net to him to bother him. She tries to figure out what his plans are for the evening. Matt and Ashley are going to the movies to see "that new one with Mel Gibson." Ahh, yes. He used to make movies. Brooke tries to make small talk but her tactics aren't working. Then Olaf enters. OLAF!! My favorite. Finally! So Olaf enters and Brooke switches her approach from "remind Matt how beautiful I am" to "remind Matt that we're both assholes." Brooke starts making fun of him on sight, even though Olaf looks no different than Brooke or Matt. This really turns Matt on and he starts mocking Olaf too. Man these two really do deserve each other. They're so nasty and egotistical. Anyway, Olaf comes over asking for directions and saying he dislocated himself. Oh, how these two a-holes laugh in his face!


Olaf tries to be self-deprecating about it, but they still act like he's subhuman. He's looking for a certain classroom, so Matt starts giving him obviously fake directions to the point where even Olaf can tell he's lying and then Cindy enters (Cindy!! You haven't met her yet but she's awesome.) and tells him where the room really is and then leads him there. Since Cindy acted with the slightest bit of human decency, Brooke declares that Cindy's almost as weird as Olaf - and she's not even foreign!! Finally Brooke gets up to leave telling Matt she'll see him next week... unless she see him sooner. Matt doesn't know what the hell she's talking about but it doesn't seem like a bad idea to him anymore either.

Avalon - Conspirator's Corner. Brooke is miffed because Kelly is 20 minutes late. Kelly begs forgiveness and as a make up gift tells Brooke that Ashley got detention for skipping gym class. Brooke loves it.

Avalon - Loser's Table. This scene is kinda awful. SO SLOW. I'll summarize quickly. Ashley comes in sits with her friends and at first she feels shame for cutting class but then she thinks it's awesome because now she has a Bad Girl reputation. Then she laughs and laughs like she's on drugs. Matt, Jake and Courtney all think she's nuts. Brooke is like "laugh it up now, bitch. Tonight we destroy your world!"


Stairs of Sadness. Jake rushes up to Courtney. He's so sorry he's late! He said he'd be there at 3:05 and it's 3:08. It's his stupid teacher's fault! Courtney is like "whatever, dude. It's only 3 minutes. Besides I wasn't that interested in seeing you anyway." Jake calms down and suggests they go get milkshakes instead of going to the library since it is Friday afternoon and all. Courtney is cool with that. Jake smiles because he thinks it's a date, even though it is not. They almost leave the stairs until Billy shows up wanting to know where they are going. Courtney says the library thinking it will deter him. Billy is so lonely though he still asks to tag along. Courtney still hedges making Billy feel like an ass and falsely leading Jake to believe they are actually going on a date. Billy takes the not so subtle hint and mopes away. Courtney's like "I should be a better sister, with our parents DIVORCE and all, but I don't want him around." Jake assures her he has his own friends, and Courtney's all, "No... not really. Oh well, can't do anything now! Let's get milkshakes!" Man... more bad stuff needs to happen to Courtney right away.


Olaf's Corner. Seriously, from the way they frame him, I have no idea where he's sitting. It looks like a completely new location, even though it's still the main hallway. There's a lot about the show that's lovably bad, but I give credit to the directors who constantly were shooting the same locations from different angles to keep it interesting. They could've made their lives a lot easier and always gone for the same shots, but it really is filmed better than it needs to be. So Olaf is sitting and reading and Cindy comes up and sits net to him. Thank god. Finally a conversation between two decent human beings. Cindy helps him out with the word ostracized and if that wasn't anvilicious enough, the book he's reading is Lord of the Flies. Cindy asks him how he's adjusting to Hillside. Olaf tries to find a nice way to put it and Cindy helps him out by telling him the whole school is filled with a bunch of useless shits. Olaf's like, "oh you noticed that too?" Cindy is blunt and she embraces it. Olaf thinks he can't help it if people want to think he's strange. Cindy thinks people think she's pretty strange too. Olaf thinks that's an important thing to have in common and with that the show's only real friendship is formed. Awesome!

Avalon - Juvenile Delinquent's Table. Bad Boy Dylan is talking to new Bad Girl Ashley. Ashley has now pretty much turned into Olivia Newton-John at the end of Grease. Matt walks in and Dylan bounces, but he hangs around just long enough to make Matt jealous. Ashley asks Matt about their movie plans that night and he lets her know he can't make it because he has already fallen for Brooke and Kelly's fake note scheme. Ashley is none too happy about her boyfriend canceling their plans. I sense a fight coming on!


Brooke's Gigantic Bedroom. Brooke is looking at new clothes she just bought when Theresa barges in, still wearing her horrible outfit from earlier. Apparently it's 6pm and Brooke's just getting home. Theresa freaks the eff out because she missed Crystal's birthday party. Brooke apologizes but she doesn't really care. Theresa is so angry!!! Brooke is confused and a little frightened at her sister's emotional state. She already fake said she was sorry. What more does Theresa want? There's nothing they can do about it now! Theresa storms out of the room and Brooke just keeps on keeping on.

Avalon - Pay Phone. Kelly calls us Ashley and asks her to hang out tonight. Kelly does a good job in her delivery, because we never get a split screen of Ashley, but still get a sense of what must be her total confusion on the other end since Kelly has never shown any interest in talking to her before. Ashley finally accepts and they agree to meet at the Avalon - where Matt has been fake sent to meet with Jake! Shit is about to go down, y'all. Kelly is so pleased with herself.


Dylan's Garage Band. Dylan strums a groovy tune. Billy comes in, and Dylan wonders what he's doing there. Billy thinks he's being told to leave and mopes away. Dylan tells him he can stay, since the kid obviously has no place to go and no friends. He offers Billy to play the drums, and Billy starts slamming away at them like a toddler would beat on pots with a spoon and Billy couldn't be happier.

Avalon - Pinball Wizard Room. Matt is once again playing pinball with zero interest. If he doesn't like the game at all he should not play it once an episode! Brooke slinks over to the side of the machine, decked out in the new clothes she bought at the mall. She inquires about Ashley's whereabouts but Matt tells her he's supposed to meet Jake. That's funny... Brooke doesn't see Jake anywhere! Brooke will keep him company until he never arrives. Brooke shoves her hand in Matt's face to show off a new ring she got. Matt has to grab her hand to keep from getting punched in the eye.


Kelly and Ashley enter the Avalon from the other entrance and Kelly says she's so happy Ashley agreed to hang out since THEY NEVER TALK EVER. Ashley is pleased too, because she's too dumb to see she's being set up. Ashley has her back to the Pinball area and when Kelly sees Matt and Brooke there together she gives an Academy Award-worthy performance of trying PLEADING for Ashley to go with her someplace else - ANYPLACE ELSE! - right away. Finally Ashley turns and sees her BF hold hands in close quarters with his ex-GF. She walks over there and Brooke acts like they got caught doing something BAD. Matt is confused. Ashley yells at him that she trusted him and he lied to her. Matt begs for a chance to explain. Ashley tells him not to bother talking to her - EVER. She runs out. Kelly and Brooke exchange job well done smiles for ruining things for Ashley so easily.

Next Time on Fifteen: Ashley tells Jake she's not talking to Matt and they are broken up! Courtney tries to get Billy to stop hanging out with Dylan because she thinks Dylan is wild... and wildly attractive. Matt tells Ashley he thinks he loves her. Brooke swears to Kelly they will have revenge on Ashley. Kelly, in turn, vows she will have revenge against Brooke. And you can take her word... on THAT! Damn...