Super Bowl Update

(YOUNG BLUE EYES. I'm guessing they're blue. Right now they are closed. Goodbye, High School Student Aaron Kelly.)

In continued observance of how I breeze through Am.Idol by fast-forwarding on my DVR, here are my brief comments on Tuesday's Top 5 performances, followed by the Wednesday Results Show. This week it's Sinatra week with Harry Connick Jr on hand. Let's see what happened, shall we?

Here we go! Seacrest descends the glowing staircase and on his way down he checks the applause-o-meter for our contestants. Crystal wins! Harry Connick, Jr. is in the house and on stage already and he steals Seacrest's signature line ushering in the show. Opening Credits!

There is the intro of judges, the second intro of the contestants, a montage of both Harry Connick, Jr. and Sinatra, and then we learn that HCJR orchestrated and arranged all tonight's songs. Hmm! Consider me intrigued. Seacrest and HCJR talk for a LONG TIME. 5 songs in one hour means a lot of filler. Zip Zap Zop.

1) Aaron - Fly Me to the Moon! Oh, I really like this song. HCJR is on the piano! Aaron looks MAD nervous. I would be nervous too in this instance. He also looks more like a young Wil Wheaton tonight than ever before! How did I not notice this before? Randy tells him he did a really good job which I think is a little bit much. Ellen too is effusive with praise which bugs. I mean, he didn't KILL it. Kara and Simon are more realistic about telling him he sounded fine, but didn't really sell it.

2) Casey - We come back from commercials and HCJR is screaming something at Casey in a hammy way before we jump to the rehearsal footage. Casey is singing "Blue Skies." He starts and I think his second note's off key. Oh this is weird... the pace is weird, his pitch is off. He's back to being really stiff. No no no. Not a good performance from him at all. Oh, good. It's over. Omigod the audience LOVES it! Randy won't be swayed, and rightly says it's terrible. Oh thank goodness. We won't be kidding ourselves during this particular critique. Kara tells him his vibrato sounds like a lamb. True. Simon things helooks embarrassed and nervous. Double true. He doesn't like to be without his guitar. Now we know why.

3) BOWERSOX - She's singing "Summer Winds!" I think Martin sang this once on the Simpsons when his bathing suit got ripped off. HCJR loves the Bowersox. He doesn't know what's behind the lyrics for her and Mama ain't sharin'. She sounds good, like always. I think it's a solid enough performance... which the judges will feel isn't good enough for Crystal. They are kinda meh about it. I wouldn't necessarily call it "meh." But folks? Crystal isn't in it to win it. She will sing what she wants these next few weeks, and if she HAPPENS to win, so be it, but she's not trying to win. I think that's their main complaint. They always want to see someone trying to win.

4) Big Mike - The big man is singing The Way You Look Tonight. I don't really take anything away from his time with HCJR. This is another solid vocal. I'm not surprised. He's always got a solid vocal and this style suits him. I notice that if I don't look at the screen, I like it better. I think it's the best vocal of the night easily. The judges fall all over themselves to praise him. I already think Casey is going home this week. We still have to get to Lee, who i can't imagine will look anything but terrified to be sharing the stage with HCJR.

5) Lee Dewyze - Singing "That's Life." His montage with HCJR is cute. Let me say first that I liked the performance and secondly let me say he doesn't look nervous and thirdly let me say he looks totally drunk on stage. The judges won't call him on this, I'm sure. But he's definitely thrown a few back before coming on up to perform. It's like he's too mellow. Did HCJR put him up to this? Afterwards Kara asks him if he believes he can win and he's all "wha? yah i belief i cuh win..."and I almost believe he believes it.

Nutshell montage - Aaron and Casey tried to avoid the bottom 2 this week, but probably won't. Crystal isn't trying to win, but accidentally might. Big Mike IS trying to win, but probably won't. And Lee might now believe he can win and probably could.

Results Show! Spectre-vision of what you watched last night. Then there is Seacrest talking up a storm! And the judges are seated and we all brace for impact as we head into the Lip-Synched Sinatra Group Sing. The four gents are mouthing along to lady is a tramp before they introduce Crystal to the stage. The track doesn't even sound like them in my opinion. I don't need any more of this. Zip zap zop.

Talking talking talking. Ford commercial. Montage of what happens backstage on a Tuesday. Yada, yada, yada. Gaga is here! It's the usual crazy shit, so if you enjoy Gaga, I don't think you'd be disappointed. There's a giant angel statue that might be part of a fountain? There's a black piano with some black branches glued to the top. There's Gaga in a giant black veil, possibly mourning the loss of Siobahn Magnus last week. There are gay male dancers doing interpretive dance moves galore. The men dance together, but fox isn't sure you're really ready for it so they zoom in close to Gaga at these parts. Then the veil comes off and there's more dancing. She's singing about "Alejandro" which is not a song I know but I like to think it's a sequel to ABBA's "Fernando." Then it ends.

Is the show over? Is it time for results? No. Jeebus Cristo, Show! MORE filler?? We speed past HCJR talking to contestants and Ryan is bullshitting too and nobody's really saying anything. For Sinatra Week, HCJR has decided to sing The Beatles. You're a few weeks too late, dude. As I speed along I notice HCJR has the same kinda drunken looking expression that Lee had the night before, and people seemed to like that, so i guess they'll like this too.

Time for results. No, wait. ANOTHER medley? Oh, come on. Zip zap zop. Finally about 45 minutes into the show we start the results. Crystal to stage left. Big Mike to stage right. Aaron to stage right. Casey to stage left. Lee must choose who is the bottom two! No, instead they softball it. They only ask him if he HAD to choose WOULD HE? The obvious answer of course is he would not, but Lee is unprepared for this weird turn and has to take a second to think if they're not actually trying to get him to say the wrong thing, before agreeing with them that he'll decline to play their wicked game. So enough of this: Big Mike and Aaron are bottom 2! WHAAAAT? How is Casey not going home and not even in danger? He was SO BAD last night! Big Mike cannot believe it keeps going down like this. But he'll live to give another solid vocal performance and face another bottom 2 challenge next week, because High School Student Aaron Kelly is going home. He is sad. There's the goobdbye montage and then he sings out last night's song sadly. But he's young. He'll recover.

Next week it's "Songs of the Cinema!" but with Casey already having performed "Power of Love," what 80's classic will he turn to? Jamie Foxx will mentor the Final Four. Is there any way Bottom 2 won't be Casey and Big Mike? You better be in it to win it next week, Bowersox.