Super Bowl Update

Greetings All! Una is off on a well-deserved vacation, so while she gets drunk on a beach in DR, I'm here to bring you the Project Runway snark this week. I'm not sure if any if her loyal readers will actually take her advice and read my recap since it won't be uploaded to HuffPo. I have that anxious feeling you get when you're preparing your apartment for a party and wondering if anyone will actually show up. Will anyone come? I made so much Wisconsin Salsa! I can't eat it all myself!! :(

But it's time to put nerves aside, and get to the recap. And don't worry - if you find my recap safe and boring, generally question my taste level or find my writing style too referential, your girl Sassy will be back in her usual haunts with fresh snark just in time for the finals in Bryant Park next week.

Previouslies! Anthony had been out. Cerri had been out. Then Maya quit. Anthony was back in! Then Valeria quit. Cerri was back in! Then Jonathan was out. Then Cerri was out (again). 5 Designers remain! Being in the Final 3 (or 4?), the metaphoric finish line and Fashion Week at Bryant Park are all in sight. Time to see who wants it BAD ENOUGH!

No full intro. It's just morning at Atlas. Anthony is the first person we see, so he is going home. I think the show could just flash the words "SPOILER ALERT" during the show at this point to let you know how it's gonna shake down. Sorry, where was I? Anthony is happy for his win and is going to pump up the volume hopefully Christian Slater-style in his next outfit. Mila is alone in the girl's room getting ready! That's kinda weird. She summons the ghosts of the fallen female contestants to head out to Parsons with her.

Heidi meets them on the runway tremendously pregnant and astonishingly beautiful wearing a pink dress. She tells the designers their next challenge has something to do with tents. All I can think of is camping. Are they going to a sporting goods store? No, they get to go to the effing circus! Wow. They are at Ringling Bros. Barnum and Bailey Circus. Tim walks down a runway made out of gymnastics mats to greet them. He explains they have to create a high-end runway look based on something from the circus! Oh, Una. You had to recap TWO Heidi-centric episodes this season, and I get the circus challenge? It hardly seems fair. Performers from the Ringling Bros. Circus comes out to the rings and start showing off their tricks full blast. Everyone is appropriately impressed. Somehow none of these people expresses a fear of clowns. Damn.

Once the circus performers are rounded up and herded back into their cages, Tim reminds all the designers that they are creating fashion inspired by the circus, not a circus costume, and they should consider that as their 30 minutes to sketch starts... now! They all immediately sketch the most costume-y outfits you can think of. There's a ringleader! A trapeze artist! A clown! Oh dear. I sense some delicious catastrophes on the runway! One can only hope.

We go to mood and there's an abbreviated run around the space notable for two things 1) everybody is doing black and white stripes except for Anthony and 2) Emilio is so boastful he can't even help telling the cashier at Mood how many challenges he's won. Ugh.

They finally get to spend two days on a challenge which the judges take as a huge relief. Now they can really take it further than usual. They talk about the pressure to make it, and Jay is talking a lot which alerts me that they may finally axe him. Mila notes how cocky Emilio has gotten over the course of the season. She concedes that he wins all the time, so she knows where it comes from, but she doesn't think he has to gloat. Emilio continues to talk out loud in the work room about his greatness. You see, for Emilio, there's only two types of people in the world: The ones that entertain, and the ones that observe. Well baby, he's a "put on a show" kind of girl.
Don't like the backseat, gotta be first. (Thank you for that, Ms. Spears.)

I should state right now that I don't think there's any way Emilio wins this season. I don't know how he can currently lose since the judges totally love him and he wins week after week, but as I've said many times to many people, Tim Gunn can't STAND Emilio and goes off on his attitude every week in his video blog on FB. Tim knows who won, and I feel like if Emilio had wound up winning, Tim would've been more... diplomatic in his criticism of Emilio behind the scenes. Just my guess. Either that, or Tim really doesn't care and won't be muzzled!

Tim enter the work room to do his walk around. Seth Aaron first. Ringleader-Juggler inspiration. He tells Tim he wants a top hat! Tim is speechless. He politely tells him to focus on the coat he has planned. He's very nice to Tim, by the way.

Emilio and Tim "meet." It's more like a face off. Their mutual hate is palpable They cannot even pretend at this point. Tim tells Emilio not to avoid color. Emilio practically screams that he's DONE color. He wants to strip all color out of it. In his defense, we DO see a cutaway shot that confirms there are some strong color choices in Emilio's past looks. Tim walks away angry, hoping to find a design among the other contestants that can hopefully beat Emilio. I'm in no way on Team Emilio, but I have to say I think Tim has lost some objectivity right now.

Anthony, doesn't know WHAT the hell he's doing. He knows one of these things is not like the other with his color choices. Tim tries to get him to think positively. He then gives Anthony some advice, which Anthony appreciates in theory but he also tells Tim he has no idea what half the words he just used mean. He sweetly tells Tim he will check a dictionary when he gets home. Which will be happening soon, when he's eliminated (again).

Mila is doing the ringleader look, but Tim is not getting it. It's like he sees that what she's going for won't top Emilio and he doesn't have time to mince words. Mila assures him she'll pull something great out of nowhere.

Jay wants his outfit to be "bad bitch." He thins of himself as a "good bitch." I don't know what happened to Jay this season. I felt like he started so strong, but ever since he made that horrible tank top the week Amy got eliminated, I've thought everything he's made has been a total mess. Tim tries to play along, but I don't think he believes much in Jay's design.

After Tim leaves, Anthony completely loses his way and has no idea how to move forward. Oh, Anthony. I am glad we got two more weeks of your personality on this show, but you seem so at a loss for what to do right now. They work and work and then they're done.

It's day 2. The designers are back in the work room and the models come in for fittings. Anthony went to sleep thinking about his dress and he woke up thinking about his dress. I hope he winds up spending the day working on his dress because it's in trouble. The camera guys can't seem to get a full length shot of it, like it's the Cloverfield monster or something. Other than Anthony, there is a LOT of black and white stripes in this work room. Nothing's close enough to be done for me to completely pass judgement, but nothing looks particularly impressive either. Once the dress is on the model Emilio decides the dress IS missing color after all! Tim is vindicated! Seth Aaron thinks Mila's outfit is two shiny, and we see that her fabrics do appear shiny and cheap. It's not high end fabric. Mila thinks Jay's looks like Michael Jackson from the 80's and she's not wrong. Wow, that second day just flew by!

Day of the Runway. Everyone fells a mixture of confidence and nerves. I could tell you what they actually said but it's all pretty interchangeable. They rush around with their models to go get their hair done at the Loreal Pars make-up room. Everyone is excited it's the last challenge. Me and Una too, for that matter. Tim scoops them all up when time has run out and they all head off to final judgment on the runway.

Heidi greats the designers with an "All eyes on me in the center of the ring" kinda attitude. Yo can bet that when she cracks that whip everybody gon' trip, just like a circus. She let's them know only 3 designers will make the final. She then introduces the usual panel and then as the guest judge is Cynthia Rowley. No more stalling! On with the show! Here are my initial reactions to the outfits as they walked the runway, followed by some more thoughtful responses after a second viewing.

JAY

Michael Jackson Asian Military Jacket. That's my initial stream of consciousness. On second viewing, I admit that I do sorta like the pants. This picture is not the most flattering making his model look flatter and wider than this was when it walked the runway.


MILA

Did you ever see the reality competition show on Sci-fi "Who Wants To Be A Superhero?" This is like a top-level costume on that show. She could be called Fashionista! Her super powers are that she can blind you with her shiny outfits and then cut you with her sharp fashion sense! Also she can fly and has telekinesis.


ANTHONY

Big Blue Wings. That's all I can come up with. The dress doesn't elicit a response. I mean, at least it's a dress and not a costume like most of the others, but is it high fashion?? If it's circus inspired, the colors do kinda remind me of Dumbo in the 80's kids show Dumbo's Circus, which makes me sing the theme song. I don't get it at all. Plus the waste is a tortured mess.




EMILIO

Ugh. His looks the best! How does this keep happening??? It's really in a different league than the others. The picture doesn't make the polk-a-dots look as delicate as they are in reality. It's a big win for Emilio.


SETH AARON

It looks like a human playing card. I don't like it. On second look, I really don't like it. The Jacket is like a straitjacket from Tim Burton's Wonderland. It's a costume. Maybe she can be the arch nemesis of Mila's Superhero. We could call her Wild Card! There's too much going on here. I like Seth Aaron's stuff, but this is too crazy, in my opinion.

Critiques! Seth Aaron - The judges like it with some qualifications. Some crazy crotch comments from Kors, for good measure. But he gets by relatively unscathed. He is very very relieved. I don't get it. I think it looks so over the top.

Anthony - The judges don't care for it. Nina says it's a total bore from the waist down. Michael becomes curious about what kind of fabric it is. Anthony is all, "what do you mean? It's fabric." And Kors is all "but what kind of fabric?" And Anthony is all "there are different KINDS of fabric?" So finally Kors gets his ass out of his seat and goes up to actually touch the garment. It burns his hand and he pulls it away. "Gahh! Polyester!" He cries. The others all hiss at this revelation, and if you didn't know he was going home before, he's certainly going home now. Heidi is so fascinated she too gets her massively pregnant self out of her chair to get a feel of what $300 worth of polyester is like. As one last dig, Kors calls it a big blue condom, but I think he's thinking of polyurethane, not polyester. Although, I find it kinda hilarious that Kors might think he's been using polyester condoms all these years! Heeheehee!

Jay - Heidi asks him to take off the jacket and then when it's gone, she claims nothing is special about the other pieces in his outfit. The other judges do like the construction though, and Nina really likes the pants. They are kinder here than I would be.

Mila - The judges are split on her. They seem to like it but think that it failed at the same time. Make up your minds people. At least Rowley can't fault the color of Mila's pants since it's the same color as Rowley's entire outfit.

Emilio - The judges are all on Team Emilio. Kors calls it the best of the season. The other designers stand there feeling like assholes. Emilio's head grows another three sizes that day. I shouldn't be so bitter, it's clearly the best of the bunch.

Then the Judges ask each designer which other 2 contestants they'd take to the finals with them. Here's a breakdown of what they all said.

Seth Aaron - Emilio and Jay
Jay - Seth Aaron and Anthony (he cries when he says Anthony's name, btw. Ay, please.)
Mila - Seth Aaron and Emilio
Emilio - Seth Aaron and Mila (I'm very surprised he chose Mila!)
Anthony - Emilio and Jay

Judges Deliberate!- Emilio. The obvious winner and clearly going to fashion week. Seth Aaron, not as sophisticated as Emilio but the judges really are into him and he's going through as well. That leaves three: Anthony, who has made some nice things, but who might have made an unforgivable error in his fabric choice this week, Jay who has made some nice things but has questionable taste level, and Mila who has made some nice things but might not have a relevant point of view. We'll be crushing someone's dreams after the break!

We're back on the runway and everyone's hella-nervous. Who from this motley crew is going to Fashion Week? Emilio is the winner and is going to Bryant Park. He tells us he is HUMBLED! HA! He like Anthony, needs to recheck that dictionary when he is not. The dude can make clothes, but humble he is not. Seth Aaron also sails through to Bryant park as predicted. I think he's our only hope to spoil Emilio winning the whole thing. The suddenly, Anthony's out (again). Left with Mila and Jay, the judges are undecided, so they will each make collections and then only one of them will get to compete at Fashion Week. I have no emotional reaction to this. I What makes it truly delightful is that these are the two that hate each other! Well, at least Jay hates Mila. I don't think Mila expends that much energy toward Jay.

SO next week is the check-in at home week, and I hope Tim shows up to Emilio's with a security detail because he's heading into enemy territory and things might get ugly, beyond just the clothes. Thanks for reading! Una will be back next week. Be sure to check out her blog and become a fan of hers on Facebook!